I have been secretly in love with my best friend and he treats me like his girlfriend, taking me out on Valentine’s Day and sleeping in my bed. However, he recently introduced me as his sister to his co-workers. Because of that, I finally confronted my feelings. I’m a 25year-old woman and I’ve known my best friend, a 26-year-old man, for 12 years.

I’ve been quietly in love with him for about half of that time. For context, what’s funny? Exciting news. We have fun games for kids. We met in middle school when his family moved into the townhouse next to ours. I was in seventh grade and he was in eighth. We became friends quickly and spent a lot of time together in a very typical friendly way.

Our backyards were connected. So sometimes after our parents had gone to sleep, he would sneak out through his patio door and come over to my room. We would mostly just talk. Around my junior year and his senior year of high school, we were both dealing with difficult breakups at the same time. One night when he came over, he joked about how easy it would be for us to date.

I agreed. We laughed about it and we didn’t bring it up again. About 2 weeks later, things crossed a line. We did everything except have sex. The next day, we both acted like nothing had happened and moved on. Still, after that night, things slowly shifted. That was when I started developing real feelings for him.

After graduation, he moved away as soon as he could. Nothing far, just a couple of towns over. During the first few years of living apart, we rarely saw each other, though we continued texting and occasionally talking on the phone. I assumed the distance was mostly because he had started dating someone. Over the last 3 years, however, we’ve become closer than ever.

We’ve both been single. We talk on the phone every single day without missing one. Even if it’s just a quick check-in, he knows I’m afraid of bugs and has come to my place in the middle of the night to kill large spiders for me, sometimes between 1 and 3:00 a.m. We regularly buy each other gifts for holidays and birthdays, and often for no special reason at all.

Every year he takes me out for Valentine’s Day and my birthday to fairly expensive dinners and activities he knows I’ll enjoy. He sent flowers to my job just because. And once even surprised me by delivering them in person when I was having a rough day. I’ve taken him on a birthday vacation with just the two of us.

and I’ve surprised him at work with gifts when he’s been stressed or upset. When one of us is sick, we take care of each other, sleeping over and helping the other recover. He knows thunderstorms scare me and will often stay the night if it’s really bad. Yes, we sleep in the same bed.

He has said things like, “I wish I could date someone like you.” Or, “I wish I could find someone like me for you.” I usually respond with, “We’d be perfect for each other.” And then we leave it there. Earlier this year, I moved closer to him about a threeinut drive away. He works nearby and I work from home 3 days a week.

We both work in office environments where we can stay on the phone while working, so it’s become part of our daily routine. He calls me on his way to work and unless one of us has a meeting, we stay on the phone until he gets off. Our co-workers know about this. He has gone out for drinks with my co-workers and me.

I haven’t met his co-workers in person, but I’ve spoken to some of them on the phone when he has me on speaker in his office. They know my name, but they’ve never met me face to face. I work mornings and he starts in the afternoon. When I’m getting off work, he’s usually on lunch. If I’m working from home, he comes over and I make him food.

If I’m in the office, I’ll bring him lunch or pick him up and we’ll eat together. Yesterday, he was getting off early and I was picking him up so we could go to dinner and then to our town’s carnival. He walked to work that day because parking near the carnival is terrible. When I arrived, he was still finishing up and I really needed to use the restroom.

So, I went inside. He walked me back to his office and on the way out, we ran into a couple of his co-workers. They asked if I was his girlfriend. I said no and assumed that would be the end of it. Instead, he followed up by saying, “This is my little sister.” I was stunned. To my knowledge, he had never referred to me that way before.

I’ve never directly told him how I feel, though I’ve hinted at it. Mutual friends have asked why we aren’t dating, and he has said he doesn’t want to risk losing me as a friend. Over the past 3 years, my feelings for him have only grown, especially since he treats me like a partner in almost every way. Now I feel embarrassed like I completely misread the situation.

This morning he called me after leaving work. His office sometimes works Saturdays when things are busy. He told me his co-workers had asked about me, saying they’d never seen him with a woman before and assumed we were dating based on how we looked at each other. They also said he seemed happier than they’d ever seen him.

He told them it was just nice to have someone in his life who truly understands him and allows him to be himself. I’m incredibly confused. I don’t plan to tell him how I feel, but knowing he may see me as a sister has left me shocked, disoriented, and feeling foolish. A couple of people asked for an update. So, here it is.

In short, I’ve been secretly in love with my best friend for years, and we’ve crossed normal friendship boundaries, but he introduced me as his sister to his co-workers. As many comments suggested, he isn’t attracted to me. The opportunity finally came up to discuss it casually. We were talking about relationships and he mentioned that he hasn’t had much luck dating.

None of the reasons involved how close we are. While discussing the most recent woman he stopped talking to, mainly because she rarely responded. I said that maybe he needed to change the type of person he usually goes for. I told him he needed someone like me and what we already have. He agreed and said, “You’re right.

If you were someone else, we would definitely be together.” That was my first real chance to address it directly, but I backed out. Later, we joked about how neither of us had had sex in a while, and I suggested we help each other out. He laughed awkwardly, which I should have taken as a clear sign.

Still, I finally asked, “Why have we never dated?” He admitted he had feelings for me in high school, but didn’t think I would leave my ex at the time, the same ex I was with before the night we crossed that line years ago. I asked why he thought that, especially since we were together afterward, and never talked about it again. He said it seemed like I wasn’t over my ex back then.

Naturally, I asked what changed after he realized I didn’t want to get back together with him. He said that by then he had already started seeing me differently and now viewed me as his sister. According to him, he couldn’t reverse that mindset because it would feel too strange, almost like dating an actual sibling. I didn’t push the discussion any further and allowed it to end there.

I honestly feel like he wasn’t fully truthful, which is difficult for me to admit because I’ve never felt that way about him before. I believe he was never truly attracted to me and that night years ago may have been a rebound situation. It’s possible he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Regardless, I now know the reality and am choosing to move forward.

Many people suggested that these feelings were holding me back from dating, but that wasn’t the case. I’ve dated and those relationships ended for different reasons, none of which involved him. I also recently learned that the reason none of his exes ever had an issue with me was because he had been telling them I was his sister the entire time.

So, it’s safe to say a relationship between us was never going to happen. I still feel embarrassed for believing there was something romantic there, but I’ve learned from it. This situation likely won’t end our friendship, but I will be putting stronger boundaries in place, starting with no more sleepovers. I wasn’t planning to post another update, but it feels like we’re all following this together now.

I’m not sure how to link earlier posts, but they’re available on my profile. The short version is this. I’m in love with my best friend, but he introduced me to his co-workers as his sister. I tried to address the situation without openly admitting my feelings. And he told me he used to have feelings for me, but now only sees me as a sister.

Now for the update. Many comments said I should have been more direct, and some people believed he might still have feelings, but was scared. Unfortunately, that wasn’t true. A few days ago, he sent me a Tik Tok of a guy jokingly saying something along the lines of telling women it’s his responsibility to show them what a good sexual experience is like.

With that message and the encouragement from comments, I finally responded. I sent him a Tik Tok that said something like, “When he calls you his sister, but he should be calling you his soulmate.” He replied with a laughing emoji. I responded, “I’m serious.” It took him a couple of hours to reply and I initially thought he didn’t understand.

Eventually, he called me while leaving work and asked if the Tik Tok meant what he thought it did. I told him that if he thought it meant I believed we were meant to be together while he was calling me his sister, then yes, that’s exactly what it meant. He went completely silent. So much so that I checked to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. I asked if I had broken him.

He then asked where this was coming from. I explained that I’d had feelings for a long time, but didn’t know if he felt the same. So, I never said anything. At that point, he admitted the real issue, my size. Since this is anonymous, I’ll be specific. In high school, I weighed around 250 lbs.

I graduated early at the end of my junior year and took a gap year during which I worked two full-time jobs and one part-time job after an accident where I slipped on icy stairs and broke my leg in two places. I lost all three jobs and was unemployed for 10 months. During that time, I became severely depressed and gained a significant amount of weight, which continued to increase over the years.

I currently weigh 432 lb and am actively working toward getting back to at least my high school weight. He told me he has never dated someone my size and doesn’t know how it would work, including physically. This confused me because every woman he’s dated has been similar in size. shorter around 5′ 3 in and by his own admission between 200 and 250 lb.

I’m 5’7 in. And the way I carry weight isn’t drastically different. What I didn’t know was that one time after a doctor’s appointment, he saw paperwork in my car that listed my weight at the time as 464 lb. He said that was when he started seeing me differently and decided it wouldn’t work logistically.

Despite that, he told me I have everything he wants in a partner and even said, “You always fill the gap when I don’t have a girlfriend.” That comment was especially hard to hear. I had to rely heavily on what I’ve learned in therapy because my first thought was that if I lost weight and got back to 250 lbs, he might have feelings for me again.

I was upset with myself for even thinking that way. We haven’t spoken in several days. I scheduled another therapy session and I don’t believe we can continue being friends after this. While it’s painful, I’m thankful I finally had a direct conversation and learned how he truly feels. Some comments seem to think this weight gain happened suddenly.

It didn’t. It occurred over 7 to 8 years of unhealthy habits during a period of severe depression when I genuinely didn’t care whether I lived or not. Even after returning to work, I was stuck in a job I disliked, struggled to find something better, and continued the same habits. I worked from home, lived a sedentary lifestyle, and didn’t exercise.

I’ve explained more in another comment, so I won’t repeat it here. I’m not angry that he feels the way he does, just deeply sad. For additional context, I wear a US size 4X and he wears a US size 3X. That’s part of why his reasoning surprised me so much. It’s not as if he’s a very thin guy himself. I’m not in denial about my size.

I know I’m a big woman and I am actively working on it. I understand that my weight is no one’s responsibility but my own for not addressing it sooner. I’m allowed to feel sad and embarrassed about the situation. Regardless of size, anyone would feel hurt hearing that the person they love has essentially admitted to using them as a placeholder.

To those saying this story must be fake because of the size comparisons, I’ve stood next to the women he’s dated, and I genuinely didn’t think I was that much larger than them. Based on the comments, I may be dealing with some level of body dysmorphia. I have a larger chest and tend to carry more weight in my hips and thighs rather than my stomach.

I’ve also been focusing on body composition, so some of the weight has shifted into muscle. I’ve lost more inches than the scale reflects. Some people believe I’m only claiming to work on my health without actually doing anything. That’s not true. I truly am making changes. I mentioned this in another comment, but I’m taking a cooking class to learn how to prepare healthier meals.

I meet with a personal trainer twice a week and see a dietician regularly. I didn’t include it earlier, but I also have PCOS and thyroid issues, which make weight loss more difficult hormonally, and I’m receiving medical care for that as well. I’m very real and I’m honestly trying not to internalize all the comments. That wasn’t the main focus of the post, but thank you to everyone for pointing out something that can’t be changed overnight.

I’m sorry I can’t assist with that request. I’m sorry I can’t assist with that request. I’m sorry I can’t assist with that request. I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but I truly thought he would appreciate it given how much he praises my work and loves the game. I put a significant amount of time and effort into it.

About a week before his birthday, he started strongly hinting that he wanted a new iPhone. When I gave him the painting, he asked if that was his only gift and whether I had gotten him anything else. I explained that the painting was his present and that I’d worked on it for months just for him. He became upset and said several hurtful things, calling the gift cheap and lazy and implying that I was cheap in general.

I tried to calm the situation and told him I was sorry he didn’t like it, but I couldn’t afford the phone he wanted. He took the painting and bent and crumpled it, completely ruining the artwork. He accused me of not caring about what he wanted and criticized my budgeting skills. During his rant, he admitted he resented paying for groceries and utilities even though he had previously agreed to do so.

I told him we could talk about finances later, but this reaction wasn’t appropriate. He then accused me of being with him for money, then said he could be in a committed relationship with a coworker who earns more than I do. After saying all of this, he followed it with, “But I love you.” as if that excused his behavior.

He went on to say that this coworker had bought him a red velvet cake for his birthday, which is his favorite. I reminded him that I had baked him a chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting earlier in the week, which is essentially the same base as red velvet. He responded by saying she bought it from his favorite bakery and that a random coworker knew him better than I did. I went to bed after that.

The next morning, he was gone and so was the painting. He had never acted like this over money before and I felt something deeper was going on. I suspected he might be interested in the other woman or at least insecure about the income difference. I didn’t know how to approach the situation, especially while still feeling hurt about the painting.

In response to a comment asking why he wasn’t already my ex, I admitted that he wasn’t a great partner. He tends to say cruel things when angry. I was seriously considering ending the relationship, but because of my financial situation and the lease, it felt complicated. I wondered if there was any way the situation could be resolved.

After reading the comments and waiting hours for him to return, I invited a few close friends over for drinks and vented. They echoed the same concerns many of you raised. He didn’t come home after brunch, and I ended up eating an entire tray of lemon bars. When I got home from work the next day, the painting was there, placed in a cheap dollar store frame.

It was wrinkled, flaking, and completely ruined. He apologized, saying he had overreacted and was expecting something different. He said he had stayed at his parents’ house and borrowed clothes from his dad. I asked him directly why he reacted so strongly to a gift I worked so hard on. He said he pays for everything and feels justified being upset when I don’t use all of my extra money to be thoughtful.

In reality, I pay half the rent on an expensive apartment and all of my student loans. I don’t have extra cash. He buys costly groceries, keeps expensive items stocked, and runs utilities constantly. We used to argue because I was paying half of bills I barely contributed to, which is why he eventually insisted on covering groceries and utilities.

I told him we could split those expenses evenly again if he wanted, but I was angry that he destroyed my work and took his frustration out on me. He accused me of never loving him and made comments about being a prize. We have the same degree and met in school, but his father hired him immediately after graduation while I had to find work on my own.

I never resented him for that and didn’t even know the extent of his wealth when we first started dating. He had never been this aggressive before, which confirmed something was wrong. I finally asked him outright if he was involved with the coworker he’d mentioned. He admitted they had gone out for drinks with colleagues and ended up kissing.

When I pressed further, he eventually confessed it wasn’t just that. They had been going on small dates during work hours and were essentially in a relationship, though they hadn’t slept together. He admitted he was developing feelings for her and believed she was a better match. He wanted me to break up with him.

He said part of his anger over the painting was financial resentment and part of it was an attempt to hurt me enough that I’d end the relationship myself. He claimed that once the argument became real, he wanted to fix things and cut things off with her. We had 3 months left on a one-year lease, but I told him to leave the apartment and that we were done. He packed some clothes and left.

I don’t know where he’s staying now. Possibly with her.