My Best Friend And My Husband Fell In Love. They’ve Been Having An Affair For A Year. They Want To “All Live Together” And Raise The Kids. I’m Losing My Mind.

He asked. My heart sank. Who is who? The guy you’ve been seeing. Michael from work saw you two together. So, don’t lie to me. His name is Nathan. He’s a parent from Lily’s school. How long? Since May.

Just coffee and dinner. Nothing serious.

Are you sleeping with him? No, we’ve just been talking getting to know each other. Dererick sat down on my bed. He looked devastated. You’re leaving me? He said, Derek, you left me a year and a half ago when you started seeing Marcus.

I’ve just been trying to hold on to something that was already gone. But I thought we were trying to make this work. We were. We are. But what does making it work even mean? You have Marcus. Why shouldn’t I have someone, too? That’s different. How is it different? Because you’re my wife. I laughed. Actually laughed. I’m your wife on paper. But Derek, I haven’t felt like your wife in a long time. You made a choice. Now I’m making one, too. Do you love him? I barely know him. But I like him. And he makes me feel like maybe I’m worth something. Like maybe I’m not just someone who gets left behind while the people I love choose each other.

Dererick started crying. I never wanted to lose you. You already lost me. We sat there for a while. Both of us finally understanding that this was really the end. We should tell the kids. I said for real this time we should separate properly. Get the divorce. Figure out a real custody arrangement. What about Nathan? Is he going to be around them?

Not yet. Maybe never. I don’t know. But Derek, you don’t get to decide that. You lost that right when you decided Marcus was more important. He nodded. He knew I was right. We told Lily and Mason the next day. Sat them down together in the living room. We have something to tell you guys. Dererick started. They both looked worried immediately. Kids can sense when something’s wrong. Daddy and I are getting divorced. I said gently.

We’re going to live in separate houses.

You’ll spend time with both of us, just in different places. Lily’s eyes filled with tears. But I don’t want you to get divorced. I know, sweetie. We don’t want this either, but sometimes grown-ups realize they’re better as friends than as married people. Is it because of Uncle Marcus? Mason asked. Dererick and I looked at each other in shock. What do you mean, buddy? Dererick asked. I heard you and mommy fighting about Uncle Marcus. A long time ago before he moved in with us, I heard mommy say his name, and you were both crying. Kids hear everything. Of course, he’d heard something. Uncle Marcus and I are really good friends, Dererick said carefully.

And sometimes that was confusing for mommy and me. But this isn’t about him.

This is about your mom and me realizing we want different things in life. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough truth for an 8-year-old and a six-year-old. They asked questions. We answered them as honestly as we could.

Told them they’d have two homes but would always have both their parents.

That we love them more than anything.

That none of this was their fault. By the end of the conversation, they weren’t happy, but they understood.

Dererick moved out 2 weeks later, found a nice apartment nearby. We set up a week-on-week off schedule for the kids.

The house felt empty without him. But it also felt like mine again. Jennifer helped me pack up all of Derrick’s remaining things. All the photos of us that were still on walls and shelves.

How are you feeling? She asked. I don’t know. Sad, relieved, scared, everything.

That’s normal, is it? I feel like I should be more upset, like I should be devastated, but mostly I just feel free.

That’s okay, too. Nathan and I kept seeing each other slowly, carefully. He met the kids in August at a park play date with his daughter. They got along well. Lily especially liked him. I didn’t introduce him as my boyfriend, just as a friend. But Lily smart. She figured it out eventually. Do you love Nathan? She asked me one night at bedtime. I don’t know yet, but I like him a lot. More than you love daddy? I love daddy very much, but sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes people need different things. Does daddy love Uncle Marcus more than he loved you? I wasn’t expecting that question. I thought for a minute about how to answer. I think daddy loves Uncle Marcus in a different way than he loved me. Not more or less, just different. Oh, she said then. I think Uncle Marcus was sad when he moved out. Why do you think that? Because he looked at you like he was sad. At my birthday party, my sweet observant daughter, missing nothing. The divorce was final in October. Almost two full years after that first night when everything fell apart. Dererick and I split everything as fairly as possible.

He kept his car. I kept mine. We sold the big house we’d gotten for the three-person arrangement. Split the proceeds. He got his own place. I got my own place. Different neighborhoods, but still close enough for the kids. Marcus came to the final mediation meeting. I’d asked him to. There were some things I needed to say. We met at a coffee shop, just the two of us. Thank you for coming, I said. Of course. What did you want to talk about? I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. He looked shocked.

What? I forgive you. Both of you for all of it. The lying, the affair, the impossible situation you put me in. I forgive it, Rachel. I don’t understand.

I spent two years being angry, being hurt, feeling betrayed. And I had every right to feel those things. But I’m tired of carrying it around. I’m tired of letting what you did define my whole life. So, I’m choosing to forgive you.

Not because you deserve it, but because I deserve peace. Marcus started crying.

I don’t know what to say. You don’t have to say anything. I’m not asking for an apology or explanation. I just wanted you to know I miss being your friend, he said. Is that something we could ever have again? Maybe not now, but maybe someday. I need more time. I understand.

Are you happy? I asked. With Derek, he nodded. Yeah, I am. I wish it hadn’t happened this way. I wish I hadn’t hurt you, but yes, I’m happy. Good. I’m glad.

I really am, and I meant it. Somewhere along the way, I’d stopped wishing they’d be miserable. Stopped hoping karma would punish them. I just wanted everyone to be okay, including me. Are you happy? He asked. With Nathan getting there, I said, taking it slow. But yeah, I think I could be. We sat there for a while longer. Two people who used to be best friends, finding our way to something new, something neither of us could quite name yet. When I got home that night, Nathan was waiting on my front porch. I’d given him a key a few weeks earlier. Hi, he said standing up when he saw me. I hope it’s okay I came by. I know you said you were meeting Marcus and might need space after. It’s more than okay, I said. He hugged me.

Just held me there on my front porch while the sun set. How did it go? He asked. Better than expected. I told him I forgave him. That must have been hard.

It was. But it also felt right, like I was releasing something I’d been holding on to for too long. We went inside, made dinner together, talked about our days.

This was my life now. Smaller than it had been, different than I’d planned, but mine. The kids adapted better than I expected. They liked having two homes, two sets of toys, two different routines. Derrick was a good dad when it was his week. Present and attentive in a way he hadn’t always been during our marriage. He and Marcus were living together now. had been since right after the divorce was final. The kids visited them sometimes during Dererick’s weeks.

They still loved Uncle Marcus, still treated him like family. I made peace with that with them having a relationship with him. It wasn’t their fault what happened between us adults.

Nathan met Dererick eventually at a school event we all attended. They were cordial, polite, two men with nothing in common except caring about the same woman. Dererick pulled me aside at one point. He seems nice. He said he is. Are you in love with him? I thought about that question about what love even meant anymore after everything I’d been through. I think I might be, I said. But I’m being careful, taking my time. I’m not rushing into anything. That’s smart, Dererick said. Then I’m happy for you, Rachel. I know that sounds hollow coming from me, but it’s true. You deserve to be happy. So do you. And that was the truth. Despite everything, despite all the pain and betrayal and complications, I wanted Dererick to be happy. I wanted Marcus to be happy. I wanted my kids to be happy. And for the first time in 2 years, I wanted me to be happy, too. Not someday. Not eventually, but now. That night, after the kids were asleep at Dererick’s place for his week, Nathan and I sat on my couch watching a movie.

Can I ask you something? He said, “Sure.

Do you think you’ll ever trust someone completely again?” After what happened?

I thought about it. I don’t know. Maybe not the way I trusted Derek before, but I think I can trust differently. Trust while also keeping a part of myself separate. Trust while knowing that people can still surprise you. Does that make sense? Perfect sense. What about you after your divorce? Same. I think my ex broke something in me, but maybe broken things can be put back together.

They’ll never be exactly the same, but they can still be whole. We kissed then, slowly, sweetly. And I felt something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Hope, not hope that everything would be perfect. Not hope that I’d found my soulmate or my forever person or any of those fairy tale concepts. Just hope that tomorrow would be a little better than today. That I was building something new on the ruins of what I’d lost.