My Wife Filed for Divorce, Admitted to Affairs, and Now Regrets It After I Moved on With

 

My wife filed for divorce, admitted to affairs, and now regrets it after I moved on with someone new. My wife, 35 female, and I, 38 male, were married for 10 years with two elementary kids. The first 7 years of the marriage were 10 out of 10 incredible, at least from my point of view.

I could not have asked for a better wife and mother. The last 3 years have been much tougher. We went to a bunch of counseling, trying to get the marriage back on track, but could never really get there. I planned countless dates, read, and listened to everything on improving a marriage under the sun. It helped, but there was a gap between us I could never seem to close, no matter how hard I tried.

In the back half of last year, she blindsided me with a divorce. I deeply loved her and was devastated. I tried my best to talk her out of it. She waffled a bit, but ultimately insisted on moving forward. I never got a great answer as to why she filed. I wasn’t a perfect husband, to be clear. I had my faults.

I could have done better, but I never cheated, was never abusive, and was a great provider. Certainly these last few years I was 100% in on trying to save the marriage. In any case, a little more than a month after she filed, she was already seeing a guy. A month after that, she had introduced our kids to him.

Then later, during the discovery phase of the divorce process, she confessed to having multiple affairs starting at about the 7-year mark. One of them lasted at least a year, though she claimed it amounted to only a handful of actual encounters. I had no clue she was even capable of this.

The amount of lying she did to keep all this hidden is truly incredible. The day I found out was the worst day of my life, but at least I finally understood why we had such difficulty connecting those last few years. It wasn’t for lack of trying on my part. Fast forward 6 months and nearly $100,000 in lawyer bills later, and she decides she wants to try and reconcile.

Mind you, she’s still dating the same guy, but she tells me she’ll dump him to work on things with me. So, what caused her change of heart? I think it might be because she found out I had started dating someone who’s awesome by the way, or possibly because she realized how much her financial life was going to change with my high income exiting the picture.

For her part, she claims it was because she saw how great of a dad I was being when I had our kids. I sat down with her and heard her out on everything. I felt this was the least I owed her after a decade of marriage. She took responsibility for her mistakes and gave a heartfelt apology, although she was sure to partially blame my behaviors for driving her to it.

No matter how thin you slice it, there are two sides to every story. I get that. But I utterly rejected that nonsense of blaming me for her cheating. All that said, I do believe she is truly sorry. Ultimately though, I told her no and pressed forward with the divorce, which was final as of a few weeks ago. For her part, she’s been relentless in trying to get me to give her another chance, texting almost daily.

It’s worn heavy on me to see someone I cared so much about filled with so much regret and hurting so badly. I’ve held firm, though. There’s just too much damage. I don’t think I could ever trust her again. Plus, I have this great new gal who’s beautiful inside and out and who’s been so incredibly supportive and patient.

To be clear, we met well after I had been served papers. Typing this out highlights the insanity of all this for me. Who in their right mind would try and save a marriage like this? Who in their right mind would even have the guts to ask to try and fix it? I don’t love her anymore, but I did love her for so long and the kids, the co parenting.

I’ll never really get away from this woman. It’s hard. I guess I’m not sure why I’m posting this. Maybe just to get some validation that I’m making the right call. Anyone been through something like this before? Any advice? Ask the community for advice. You’ll get some. Here we go. First up, she said she will dump him, but only after you say yes.

What part of you are not plan B is she not getting? The op replies. I’ve been tempted to tell the other guy how little she thinks of him, but then I’m afraid she’ll double down on trying to get back with me. Plus, he’s way older than her, so I get a little satisfaction out of the fact it must be pretty gross. That’s probably petty on my end.

Next person says, “Dude, she is selfish and delusional. Be proud of yourself that you tried your best, have dignity, made the right decision, and are still civil with her. Yet someone else says, “Sir, you have been through two of the worst experiences a person can go through, and you have come out of them still alive, upright, and whole.

Why revisit all that pain and heartache again? You know, if she was capable of doing it once and keeping it so well hidden that she’s capable of doing it again, and she’s not wanting to reconcile for your sake. She wants to reconcile for her own selfish reasons. Walk away. Don’t look back, look forward. When she decided to explore other opportunities, she forgot the golden rule.

If you’re going to play with fire, don’t get burned. Now she wants to run back to the safety of your wallet, I mean arms, because surprise, surprise, the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. It was just astroturf. Honestly, the fact that she’s still seeing the other guy while trying to woo you is so backward.

She’s trying to have her cake and eat it, too. Except in this case, the cake is a rather bitter, untrustworthy, and overpriced slice of marital regret. You’re absolutely right to keep moving forward. Let her enjoy the reality check that comes with a shrinking bank account and a realization that her night and shining armor is more of a rusty old geyser.

And hey, you’ve got a great new partner who actually respects you and doesn’t come with a side order of infidelity. Hold on to that and keep looking forward. The best revenge is living well after all. As for advice, keep being the amazing dad you are. Cherish your new relationship and let your ex wallow in the consequences of her actions.

If she’s drowning in regret, well, she built that boat and she can sail it solo. What do you make of this? Moving on. Ever feel like your best friend is eyeing your life like it’s the final slice of pizza at a party? Get ready for a timeless story where envy quickly morphs into betrayal faster than you can say frenemies. My husband and best friend had an affair last year.

My husband, male, 39, and I, female, 37, have been married for 7 years. We have a 5-year-old son. He also has a 9-year-old son from his previous marriage. My best friend, female, 36, confessed to me that she and my husband had an affair last year that ended around Christmas time 2023. I had noticed some distance there on her part, but she always seemed to have what sounded like valid reasons.

I definitely felt like something was different with her, but I never assumed it was anything like this. We still talked and saw each other during the entire time that they were doing whatever they were doing together. And since it all ended in December, she told me now because she has confessed to her husband and she wanted me to hear it from her instead of him.

She’s filing for a legal separation from her husband. In their long talk about their marriage and why this was happening, she confessed to the affair she had with my husband. During those conversations, I guess I made the mistake of telling her about the romantic things my husband still does for me and how good he is in bed. And that’s the truth.

I thought her relationship was great. I was and frankly still am in love with him. I never had any sense that he wasn’t attracted to me, was interested in other people, and was cheating. She said it started in October of 2023 and it was just sex. I know she has been very dissatisfied in her own marriage and sex life with her husband because she had talked to me about it several times.

At one point, she was even considering divorcing her husband. She would always say she loved her husband and he was a good man, but their relationship lacked any sense of romance and he didn’t satisfy her sexually. She said she found herself flirting with him at a children’s Halloween party in October. She felt very attracted to him and admitted she was jealous of what I had, but never thought of pursuing him.

Then after the party, she decided to text my husband to ask for advice about her husband and their marriage. We’re all friends and we get along. And normally, I’d never feel weird about her texting my husband for a man’s perspective or anything. However, in this case, I believe it was just her excuse to start texting him and talking about how dissatisfied she was.

She said the texts progressively got more and more inappropriate until they were texting each other. She showed me parts of their text conversations, but I didn’t want to look at it. Eventually, they met up in the middle of the weekday to have sex. She said they probably met up and had sex 20 or so times. She claims they talked about it and both felt an extreme sense of guilt, so they mutually ended it around Christmas.

My husband is a really good-looking guy. He’s a people person. His [clears throat] job sort of puts him in the public light here where we live. He’s known in our community. He’s out and about a lot because of that. It’s not strange for women to flirt with him. And I’d say he is a flirty person, but somebody who definitely knew where to draw the line.

Our sex life is great. We make time to do things together, just the two of us. We definitely laugh way more than we argue. I just never thought he’d ever do this to me and with my supposed best friend of all people. This past weekend, he was on a trip with his older son. She says she told her husband and me this weekend because she knew my husband was away and this might give me time to process.

How considerate of her to think of me now. I feel like all my insides have been ripped out. I feel completely empty inside, hollow. I picked him up from the airport yesterday and didn’t let on that I knew anything. He was in a good mood and acting completely normal. I told him I wasn’t feeling good and immediately went straight to bed so that I wouldn’t have to interact with him.

I’m a bad liar. I’m trying to figure out what in the heck I’m going to do first before confronting him, but I’m not sure that’s going to be possible. I’m also worried my friend’s husband will contact my husband. I haven’t heard from him yet. I should probably reach out to him, but I feel so nervous.

I didn’t do anything wrong, but I suppose I feel guilty by proxy. It’s ridiculous. Later at night, when my husband went to bed, he was rubbing on me and tried to initiate sex. Normally, I would want sex after being apart for a few days. So, it’s just not realistic to think I’m going to be able to put on an act for very long.

Let’s see what kind of words of wisdom come from the community. Wow. See a lawyer and see where you stand. He’s good at hiding and not letting his guilt show, so he might be an expert in this. Time to start looking and see what else he has hidden from you. Look at social media and phone. Good luck and stay strong.

Another person says extreme guilt would be stopping and confessing after the first time. 20 or so times is a full-blown affair. The fact that he has been acting totally normal all this time shows what a good liar he is. So from now on, believe nothing. This was not an accident or mistake. Think of all the detailed planning that has to take place in order to meet up 20 times and keep all that sex and all that communication hidden.

Keep in mind that if your friend had not told you, your weward husband would still be going on with this charade. Just tell him you’re getting an STD test and you’re going to see a lawyer as soon as possible and you would like him to find somewhere else to stay until the two of you can work out a co parenting and custody plan.

If he won’t, then ask him to move out of your shared bedroom. Grey Rock 180 and only communication about the kids, communication about property, etc. Well, that’s what lawyers are for. Expect your husband to deny. Keep in mind, you don’t know if the friend was his only affair partner.

He seems quite adept at hiding his affairs. She may be filing for separation due to her and your weward husband making plans to be together. Her divorce is a way to force things to come to a head. The next bit of advice says, “Get a lawyer, a therapist, and a divorce. Your best friend of all people, it’s like a sister. If you stay with him, you will forever wonder if he’s cheating and be miserable. Read.

Leave a cheater. Gain a life. The fact he can carry on without you even suspecting would seriously worry me. Makes me wonder how often he’s lied. The op replies, “Either he’s a really good liar actor, or maybe I’m just that oblivious.” “I can’t believe I noticed nothing. I noticed a difference with her and the entire time I was concerned about her and what might be going on.

” Wow, it sounds like your husband and best friend took a page out of the How to Betray Everyone You Love handbook. Let’s get this straight. She decided to confess because she was worried you’d hear it from her husband first. How noble of her, right? and the fact that she chose a children’s Halloween party to start this flirtation. Classy.

Nothing says I’m a responsible adult like getting hot and heavy amidst kids in superhero costumes. As for your husband, he must have gotten his acting skills from Hollywood’s finest. Being able to juggle a double life while still making you feel like everything is hunky dory. Wow.

Your friend complaining about her lackluster marriage to you was just her way of saying, “I’d like to sample what you’re having.” She turned your romantic anecdotes into her personal shopping list. And your husband? Well, he was all too eager to play the helpful marriage counselor, wasn’t he? Too bad his version of therapy included more than just advice.

It’s mind-boggling how they managed to keep up that charade through Christmas. While you were decking the halls, they were well, you get the picture. The fact that he came home and acted like everything was normal is chilling. It’s like living with a friendly neighborhood sociopath. Your husband’s rubbing up on you while you know the truth.

That’s just the cherry on top. First steps, lawyer up stat. Forget about guilt by proxy. You did nothing wrong except trust the wrong people. It’s time to go full detective on his social media and phone records. Who knows what other skeletons might be lurking in his digital closet? And hey, when you serve him those divorce papers, make sure you remind him to thank your best friend for her honesty.

After all, it’s the least she could do. Have you ever had a friend betray you like this? What did you do? Thank you for joining us today. Be sure to like and subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don’t miss out on our next video. See you next time.