My Son Told Me I Wasn’t Welcome at His Wedding Because His Fiancée’s Family Thought I

My son told me I wasn’t welcome at his wedding because his fiance’s family thought I wasn’t rich enough. So, I took matters into my own hands. Hello, Reddit. This is my first time posting here since I need some help and it’s a bit urgent. This matter is too personal to share with my friends. So, I’m posting it here.

I, 52, female, have been a single mother to my son, 25 male, and have raised him on my own since he was born. My husband unfortunately passed away while I was pregnant with him. He had an aneurysm in his sleep and by the time I woke up, he was gone. Since then, I have raised him on my own and I have honestly sacrificed a lot. Something that other single parents can also attest to.

I’m not saying that he owes anything to me because I’m his mother, but a little appreciation would be nice. Unfortunately, he ended up telling me that he did not want me to attend his wedding a couple of days ago because apparently, according to his fiance and her family, I did not look like I was rich enough to fit in with the kind of people that would be present there. That was incredibly hurtful.

So, I did something really underhanded as well, and that’s really not in my nature, but I just couldn’t help myself. All of this started 2 years ago when he first started dating Zoe. He met her through friends from what I know and she belongs to quite a wealthy family. Her parents own one of the top real estate firms in the state and they are pretty much rolling in money.

She looks the part as well, always dressed in luxury brands from head to toe and she owns three cars herself. In comparison, I obviously look like a peasant since I’m just an economics professor in college. I do make a decent amount of money and has been good enough for me and my son since that’s how I’ve been able to pay all the bills and the rent and afford to raise him single-handedly for the past 25 years.

At least it used to be good enough for us until he started dating Zoe and then things started changing and getting weird between us. Just for the record, I never had a problem with his relationship with Zoe or her as a person until recently. Even though after the first time we met, my son had called me up later on to tell me that I needed to start changing certain things about my house so that it looked better.

He had said that the fact that most of the furniture in my house looked really old was pretty embarrassing for him since he had been to Zoe’s parents’ mansion. And it was crazy how beautiful and shiny everything was. So, he wanted me to at least put an effort into making my home look better.

We had a fight after the first meeting because I did not think that there was anything wrong with the way my house looked. And the fact that certain things were really old just meant that they had character. I did not want a shiny, glamorous lifestyle like Zoe or her parents because I knew that I could not afford it and I wanted to live within my means.

I was perfectly happy with how my life was and I did not have any complaints. So, he had no reason to be complaining about it either. Some of the things that he wanted me to replace, like some furniture and stuff, had actually been picked out by my late husband and I really valued them. We got into a fight back then and I told him that if he was so embarrassed by me, then maybe he shouldn’t have introduced me to his rich girlfriend in the first place.

Then he realized that he was being a jerk and apologized to me later and we were able to patch things up. But after that, he never brought Zoe over to my place and I only met her a handful of times. I met her parents once when they got engaged and I attended the party they threw. Even then, my son had a lot to say about the way that I was dressed.

He said that it was an engagement party, so I should have put more effort into how I dressed, but according to me, I was dressed perfectly fine. I’m not stupid. I could tell that his real problem was with the fact that I was not dressed in luxury brands and I was just wearing things that I could afford.

But I guess he was too afraid to say it. Anyway, I tried not to mind that. And even though he had started being very distant from me ever since he introduced Zoe to me, I still tried to keep in touch with him. But then three days ago, he visited me and told me that after Zoe and her parents had met me at the engagement party.

They did not think that I would fit in with the crowd that would be present at their wedding since it would be mostly their friends and other business associates who worked with her parents, but none of his family members. Since Zoe’s parents were funding most of it, he thought that it would be better for him to respect their wishes.

He even said that he would have a private ceremony later on and I would be invited to that. But for now, he just wanted me to understand where he was coming from because ultimately he did not want me to feel out of place. I was very hurt when he said that and I started crying. But then he got really exasperated and said that there was nothing worth crying over because it was just a fact that I did not look rich enough to fit in there and he did not want me to embarrass neither myself nor him.

He told me that he had hoped I would understand, but I was just being selfish by not caring about his image in front of his in-laws. Once I stopped crying, I told him to get out of my house and never come back. He tried to argue, but I just screamed at him and asked him to leave. Once that was done, I was still pretty upset.

So, I decided to do something that I’m not sure was the right move or not. A couple of weeks ago, I had actually helped him get the venue that he wanted for his wedding. When I called him to check up on him a couple of weeks back, he had been telling me that he was struggling to finalize the venue. Apparently, the place that he wanted was something that Zoe had her mind set on, and it was not something that had been listed in the properties that their wedding organizers had shown them.

But it was a really beautiful place, a little out of the city. However, the owner was not willing to put it up for rent and had refused to let them get married there. He had been trying to negotiate with this person for ages along with Zoe’s parents, but he just refused to give it up no matter how much money they offered him.

Zoe was equally stubborn. She had refused to even consider any other place. And now there were just a couple of weeks to go for the wedding. They had even sent out invitations with that address printed on them on Zoe’s insistence, but they still hadn’t been able to finalize the place and were still trying to negotiate with the owner.

When he told me the name of the owner, I realized I knew this person. I realized I used to go to college with this guy and I immediately thought that maybe I could help him out, but I wanted it to be a surprise. So, I just told my son I was sorry about it and hope that things would work out for him somehow. Then I decided to reach out to this guy.

After speaking to him for a couple of days, I figured that the reason he was not willing to rent out his property for any events was because he and his wife were worried that if they allowed events to be held there, the people hosting would trash the place. It had happened a couple of times before, so they did not want that to happen and wanted to preserve the natural beauty of their property.

But I told him that this was my son we were talking about, and since he knew me personally, I could vouch for the fact that none of this was going to happen. On top of that, Zoe’s parents were also the owners of the top real estate firm, so he did not need to worry about whether the place would get trashed or not.

It took me a while, but after a few days, I was finally able to convince him and he agreed to speak to my son. I was also able to convince him not to mention my name because I wanted to tell them about it after the wedding and surprise them. Anyway, once I was able to convince him, he agreed to it and my son was really happy.

He had no idea I was behind all of this. And I guess that was why he was so confident when he told me that I was not wanted at the wedding. Anyway, after he paid me that visit, I was very hurt and I decided to call the owner of the place. I explained to him what had happened just now. I did not intend to overshare, but I was so upset that I just ended up telling him everything.

He literally had to comfort me even though we are not particularly close. But he and his wife were really kind to me and told me that they were going to back out of the deal because they did not think they wanted to have anything to do with such an ungrateful person. I thanked them and the very next day they told me that they had returned the money they had taken in advance and had informed my son and Zoe that they would no longer be able to rent out their property to them.

So they had to look for someplace else. Zoe’s parents had apparently been furious and had even threatened to sue them, but they said they did not care about any of it. There was still two weeks to go before the wedding and the papers they had signed clearly stated that they were perfectly within their means to cancel up to one week before the event was supposed to be held.

So, they couldn’t exactly sue them on any legal grounds because they had stuck to the contract. It’s not their fault they didn’t get their lawyer to read the fine print in a hurry. So, now they did not have a venue. And I felt pretty vindicated. So much so that I decided to put all of this in a letter and send it to my son. It was a petty move, I agree.

But he had hurt me a lot over the course of the past couple of months and I just couldn’t tolerate this anymore. So I explained everything in my letter and instead of posting it, I went to his house that evening itself, knocked on the door and left that letter on the doorstep before driving back home to make sure that he wouldn’t be able to reach out to me after that.

I decided to block him as soon as I got into the car. Later that night, he paid me a visit once again, but this time he cut a much sorryer figure. He told me that he had come over as soon as he had finished reading the letter and he was here to apologize because he had no idea that I was the one who had managed to get that venue for him.

He was literally crying and said that he was really sorry about the way he had treated me and he had no idea that it would hurt me so much. But now he had spoken to Zoe and even she was quite upset. So, he needed me to speak to the owner and fix the situation for him because there were just two weeks to go before the wedding.

And all the invitations that had the venue’s address printed on them had already been sent out. So, they really needed my help at this point. He started begging me to help him out. But, I told him that the way that he had been treating me for the past couple of months, ever since he had started dating Zoe, had been absolutely unacceptable, and the things that he had said were really hurtful.

So I didn’t think that I wanted anything to do with him after this because I had believed that I had raised a good man. But he had been extremely shallow and had decided to side with his fiance and her parents over his mother. I told him that right from when he was a child, I had sacrificed a lot for him.

And in return, I had only ever expected him to be a bit appreciative of me. But he had made it very clear that he was ashamed and embarrassed by me and did not want to claim me as his family just because his fianceé and her parents were not on board with it and were embarrassed by me. He said that he was going to take it all back, speak to Zoe and her parents and get them to apologize to me as well.

But for now, he just wanted me to speak to the owner and fix the situation so that they could get married at the venue that had been chosen already. I told him that I had already spoken to the owner and I was not going to keep disturbing them again and again. So now they had to figure out a way to deal with this on their own because I would not be able to help them out in any way whatsoever.

Then he started getting pissed off and told me that I was being really unreasonable right now. So, I told him that he had to leave because I could not help him out. I was feeling pretty adamant at the time, but he just seemed to give up and told me that I was free to do whatever I wanted, but if I did not help him out this time, I was going to lose him forever.

He said he had never thought of me as a vindictive person, but clearly I was being extremely selfish and he was sick of having to balance these two because it was just so much pressure on him. He told me that he couldn’t keep up with this balancing act, but at least Zoe would be understanding. He claimed that he was exhausted and was done with it.

Then he left. Since then, I’ve been worried about whether I have made the right choice or not. So, I’m here to ask ITA for refusing to help my son get back his wedding venue. Update one. Hi. So, it’s been a week since I’ve spoken to my son last, and I still haven’t reached out to the owner of the venue to fix anything.

I had been pretty conflicted about what I needed to do, but things are clear to me now. I was just being a sentimental fool, but I’ve thought things through now, and my son is old enough to deal with this on his own. Besides, I really don’t even think that I could get the owner to change their minds after what I told them because they seem pretty firm on their decision.

I have spoken to a bunch of my friends and relatives, and I have explained the entire situation to them. Since a lot of family members were also pretty surprised that he was getting married, but they had not received an invitation. So, I told them the real reason why he wasn’t inviting us was because he was embarrassed by his family and did not think that we would fit in with the crowd that his fiance and her parents had invited.

People were really offended and when I told them what I had done with the venue and everything, they seemed to think that it was an appropriate reaction for me to have. Also, my son hasn’t even bothered to speak to me after the last time he left and we didn’t exactly end that discussion on a good note. If he really thought that this was important enough, he would have reached out to me once again.

There are just a couple of days to go until the wedding. I don’t know what they’re going to do since they have already printed the address of the venue on the invitations. But I know that it is really not my problem anymore because if he doesn’t want to invite me to his wedding and consider me his family, it also means that I have been absolved of my responsibilities as his mother.

I’m still trying to process this emotionally because it’s quite a difficult thing throughout my life. All I have ever had is my son as a single mother. But in my head, I have made a decision and I’m going to stick with it. Update two. Hi. So, there were just two days to go until the wedding, and I was really not holding out any hope that my son would reach out to me anymore.

But today, Zoe actually reached out to me. It was pretty surprising that she would ask to speak to me because I had assumed that she and her family did not want me at their wedding in the first place. So, why would she expect me to want to talk to her, but when she called me, I had a gut feeling, and I answered the call.

I was pretty cold to her. But on the other end, I could hear her trying her best not to cry while she spoke to me and said that she knew I had a huge falling out with my son, but she just needed one chance to speak to me and convince me to fix things. She said some very strange things, like how she knew I did not like her much and that we hadn’t started off on the right foot, but she really respected and admired me and always had.

So now she wanted me to speak to the owner of the venue and try to fix this situation, even though she knew that I was in a fight with her fianceé at the moment. She said that my son had apparently forbidden her from speaking to me about anything, but she really wanted me to know that she had been really disappointed when she found out that I would not be attending the wedding. That was really weird.

And I snapped at her and told her that she did not need to put on an act with me because I knew that she was the one who had told my son that she and her family did not think I was going to fit in at the wedding, which is why I had not been invited and my son had turned against me because of them.

There was silence on the other end for a couple of minutes and then she went on to say that neither she nor her parents had said any such thing and there must have been some misunderstanding. After that both of us were really confused and I insisted that this was exactly what my son had told me.

She on the other hand said that she had said no such thing and in fact my son had told her that I was the one who had refused to attend because apparently I did not like her and did not approve of her family because I thought they were too arrogant and snobbish. Once we swapped stories, we realized that my son had been feeding us both a bunch of lies because in all probability, he was the one who was embarrassed and was throwing Zoe and her family under the bus just so that he wouldn’t have to invite me to the wedding and show everybody at the

wedding that he did not exactly belong to their world. When I realized what was going on, my head literally started spinning. So, I told Zoe that I would call her back later to discuss this in detail, but for now, I just needed a break. After about half an hour, once I had managed to process this, I called her back and we talked about this some more.

I told her everything that had happened right from the beginning, how my son had always made it seem like she and her family had a problem with me, but she claimed that she had never said any of those things and neither had her parents. She told me that my son had always made it seem like I did not like her family, which is why she had kept her distance from me.

Even when he decided not to invite me to the wedding, he had said something else to me, which you guys all know. But he had told Zoe that I was the one who was not interested in attending because I did not approve of her. He had actually told her that he was going no contact with me. So she needed to respect that as well.

And that was why she had never bothered to speak to me about it until now. I was incredibly hurt when I learned these things were happening because of my son, not because of his partner. Because at least when I believed that Zoe and her family were behind all of this, I could forgive my son, even if it was just a little bit, because I knew that he was under somebody else’s influence.

But now, now knowing that he was doing all of this on his own, there was just no forgiveness for him in my heart anymore. After speaking to Zoe, both of us were really disappointed. And she told me that she had nothing to say to him anymore. After apologizing to each other for the misunderstandings, we hung up. It has been a couple of hours since then, and I’m just sitting in one spot with no idea what to do.

I’m pretty sure that after finding out all of this, she is going to cancel her wedding. And good for her, she actually deserves better, and so do I. But unfortunately, I can’t exactly find a better son for myself. This is all I have. And every time I think about how much I have done for him and what he did to me, my heart just starts hurting more and more.

I’m pretty sure he’s going to reach out to me after this since he’s going to be able to figure out that Zoe and I had a discussion about all of this. And both of us know the truth now. With nowhere to go, I’m sure he’ll come back home. But with what he has done, I think he has lost the right to call my house his home and me his mother. Update three.

Hey, so after yesterday’s post, I have been grieving the loss of my son. He’s alive, but I know I’ve lost him. And even if he comes back, I’m not taking him back in. At least not until I have managed to deal with this emotionally by myself. But I had predicted that with nowhere to go, he would come back home.

And that’s exactly what happened today. I figured that once she found out the truth, Zoe would address the problem with him. And that’s what had happened. A couple of hours ago, around early evening, somebody started ringing my doorbell frantically. And when I saw who it was, I decided that I was not going to open the door since it was obviously my son.

I spoke to him through the intercom and told him to leave because after everything that he had done, this home did not have a place for him anymore. I could see that he had a bunch of bags behind him and he looked exhausted. His face was all splotchy like it would get when he had been crying, but I didn’t let that weaken my resolve, and I just ignored it.

When he told me that he was here to apologize to me and fix his mistakes, I could hear the desperation in his voice, and it was pretty difficult for me not to respond to that, but I just tuned him out. I could hear him saying that Zoe had kicked him out after the fight they had, and he knew that both of us were aware of everything now.

He kept speaking about how things had been really difficult for him, adjusting to Zoe’s world, and in the process of trying to do so, he had started acting like somebody he wasn’t. He was really sorry that he had been embarrassed by me, his family, and where he came from. But it was just all really new to him in the beginning.

And after a while, he got used to pretending. And he got so engrossed in the act that he forgot that I was not a part of this act, and it was hurting me. He said that he knew he had been selfish. And he knew that he probably did not deserve either of our forgiveness, but he just wanted a chance for me since I was his mother and I would be more forgiving than his partner.

At that point, I told him that I might have been more forgiving if he had actually been sorry. But right now, he was just sorry that he had been caught in all his lies. He was sorry because he needed a place to stay, and he did not want to spend money living in a hotel or finding a place of his own. But he was not sorry for what had happened because if he were, he still wouldn’t be trying to justify what he had done.

He would just be apologetic, acknowledge his mistakes, and let it be. But he had mentioned how difficult it had been for him at least five times since he showed up. So, I didn’t believe that he was genuinely apologetic. I told him that I might forgive him eventually. I’m not sure of that yet, but for now, I wanted him to just leave me alone.

He then started bargaining with me that he would be willing to pay rent to stay with me, but he just wanted to come back here and make things right with me. He even said that he was saying this genuinely because if he wanted to, he could have lived with his friends. But I knew that he was bluffing because from what Zoe had told me, he hadn’t even bothered to invite a bunch of his friends to the wedding.

So, in all probability, even they were not on speaking terms with him as of now. And that was why he was so desperate to live with me. Anyway, after a while of bickering with him, he snapped at me and said that I was just as heartless as before and then left. I know he’s not going to be homeless. He has enough resources and means to figure out a way to live on his own for a couple of weeks.

And after that, he can just find an apartment for himself. My job is done as a mother. I just had to raise him to be a decent human being. And for a while, he was a good person. But now this is not my problem anymore. Update 4. Hi. So, it has been 2 weeks since my last update. And on the day that my son was supposed to get married, all that happened was Zoe put up a post saying that she and my son had parted ways and she wanted everybody to respect her privacy at this difficult time.

A bunch of people sent me that post and I kind of felt bad, but not enough to reach out to my son to console him. After that last day when he showed up at my house and I refused to let him in, he hasn’t bothered to contact me anymore. So, I guess I was right about what I had said. He was just sorry back then because he had been caught and he knew that nobody else apart from me would even think about speaking to him again.

But I had decided to turn my back on him. And since that had happened, he hasn’t reached out to me to apologize. So, I guess he’s fine with staying no contact. As am I. I’ve been living on my own for the past couple of years anyway. So, what difference does it make to be completely by myself? It’s not even like I’m lonely.

I have friends, I have family, and I have my life. My son is just not going to be a part of it anymore, and that’s it. Maybe I will find it in myself to forgive him one day, but it’s not going to come anytime soon. And I’m fine with that.